They don't call it a "camPAIN" for nothing

Some residents of Nunnery Road are complaining about disruptions in their sleep. Spafford Party candidate for Town Council,  Joyce Barnett, has been seen cruising Nunnery Road ...sometimes for hours at a time... with a rooftop sign on her SUV that reads: "VOTE FOR CHOICE, VOTE SPAFFORD PARTY." A loudspeaker blares "Lordy, lordy! Don't vote for Gordy!" 

Town Supervisor, and Republican Party candidate, Gordon Ireland has challenged the Spafford Party to a "No Rules" Tractor Pull competition. "This should separate the wheat from the chaff," says Republican Party chairwoman, Grace Grenga. 

The Spafford Party response was: ' Maybe if those "do-nothing Republicans" got off their tractors once in a while, more would be done to help the town. '  A Republican spokesperson replied,   "Maybe the Spafford Party has been up on the roof of the grange too long, plugging holes with dollar bills."

Interested residents are invited to meet the Spafford Party candidates at the home of Carol and Peter Payntar on E. Lake Rd. Polite witticisms will be exchanged, over tea and neatly arranged cakes. Peter Payntar plans to sell golf balls at his roadside stand, imprinted with the slogan: "Spafford Party fits Spafford to a tee." 

The Borodino Bullett will sponsor a "Fundraiser for Responsible Citizenship and Two Party Talent Show" this October at Mid-Lakes Country Club. Richard Malcom, Spafford Party candidate for Town Supervisor, will sing "What Spafford Means to Me," accompanied on guitar by Town Council nominee, Linda Sanders. Gordon Ireland will belt out Frank Sinatra's "My Way," with son and councilman Jeff Ireland tickling the ivories.     

Veteran Town Council members are also expected to wow the crowd with their talents. C.J. Parsons will warm up the crowd with his comedy stand-up routine. Bill Vinzant will perform a magic act, making a calf disappear with 3 bundles of hay. Town Clerk, Lisa Valletta plans to hold a "Bake Off".   "Sure these Spafford Party girls talk a good game, but can they bake cookies?"  There will be an open bar, with Town Councilman, Fred Chappell as bartender. A food fight is tentatively scheduled.