Press Release --- Cow Party --- Campaign Committee --- 18 October 2003
The Cow Party announced their full slate of candidates today. Clover, their spokesman, said, "We are getting a late start on purpose. We plan to BULLdose the opposition. We think the Spafford Party will be exhausted after all those Wine and Cheese parties; maybe broke from paying for all those goodies and with a hangover too. We do make special note of our appreciation for their featuring cheese on the menu. And if we know Republicans (and we do), they will be exhausted also from their two Meet the Candidate sessions. It doesn't take much excitement to do in the Republicans." I hope they remember the cheese.
"We announce the candidacy of Sue for our first Council seat. Sue is a lovely cow who resides on the Fesko Farm. Sue is a professional milk cow and has served the community in that capacity for four years. She has a complexion that is strictly peaches and cream. She seems to have some sympathy for the Democrat Party but she fully supports the Cow Party platform. We both wanted to run for supervisor but she has no horns so I emerged as the supervisor candidate.
"For our second council candidate we introduce Mike, the cutest, I mean a most talented, young bull who resides on Church Road. Technically that is a few yards outside the town but he assures us he can live on the right side of the line before and after the election. He is sooo talented; he is a junior executive in the veal business. He is a little young and hasn't seen much of the world yet but he is growing fast.
" Our platform calls for increased diversity on the board with both cows and a bull, greatly reduced taxes and the encouragement of a feed store in the town. We do not have a road supervisor candidate; who needs roads. And we do not plan to collect taxes so who needs a collector. We thought about the Town Clerk but since none of us read nor write we will use computers instead."
"Think Cow Party, the party that gives you milk and butter. Remember our motto,
'Think milk and cheese, eat more chicken!'COW PARTY: Butter government...for all animals, even the two-legged ones!