Sent from: borodinocat
Subject: Holiday Eating
The article below was written by Craig Wilson, USA TODAY
I hate this time of year. Not for its
crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season
when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual
tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You
can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's
and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies
made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot
stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something
you left for Rudolph.
I have my own list of tips for holiday
eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So
what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore,
anyway.
1.
About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're
serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you
can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact,
it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other
time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use
it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour
it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.
Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always
ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass.
Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before
going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point
of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.
Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?
6. Under no circumstances should
you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January
when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps,
which you'll need after circling the > buffet table while carrying
a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something
really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the
shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.
Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind.
You're not going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin.
Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have
two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to
have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake?
Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but
avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.
10. And one final tip: If you don't
feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you
haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry!
Cookieless January is just around the corner.
The pictures were sent by
Ann and Tom Rondinello, former Chittenango residents who are now
nesting in North Carolina.
Top of page, please
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