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Meet Officer Joe Blow
Police officer Joe Blow keeps an eye out for the bad guys: " IF I
SEE A YOUNG PUNK DOING "CHAINSAW" RIDING WITH HIS OR HER JET
SKI, I HIT THE NITROUS AND I CATCH UP AND ASK THEM TO COMPLY
WITH THE BORODINO STANDARDS. "
"WE EDUCATE THEM TO DO THE NOISY TRICKS
OUTSIDE THE BUFFER ZONE. THIS KEEPS THE NOISE DOWN AND THE SAFETY UP.
AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY. Naturally WE THINK THE 5 MPH BUFFER LAW IS
ARROGANT AND INCONSISTENT WITH THE TEACHING OF GOD. THOU SHALL NOT LIE
AND MANIPULATE FOR A FALSE PURPOSE. "
Joe Blow works the lake on Fridays and the weekends
looking for the bad punks. But if you see a problem please go to our
new Jet Ski Report message
board and leave a memo under, JET SKI COMPLAINTS, and we will call you
and the driver of the pontoon, fishing or recreational boat or the Jet
ski, whom ever is the bad seed, and give them our training
video, "Jet Skis, Lies and Videotape". ( The tape must
be returned the next day, Thank You, The Borodino Police
Department)
PETITION TO THE TOWN BOARD OF SKANEATELES
REGARDING REGULATION OF PWC'S
In accordance with the New York State Law, (S.123) we
the undersigned, residents of the Town of Skaneateles and Borodino, do
petition the Skaneateles and Borodino Town Board to regulate the use
of lies, manipulations and arrogance on Skaneateles Lake.
NEXT.
New York State law authorizes individual towns to
regulate the use of PWC.
New York State law authorizes individual towns to
regulate the use of truth in petitions. See law (s. 666-c;A.
8097-D)
Welcome to the the JET Ski report. Every month we will
address and satirize another relevant issue in the CCSL petition.
Where the truth hurts.
Let the true story begin here.
FADE IN:
SCENE 1
EXT. Borodino Bluffs, Evening
Last year in Borodino, my friends and I stopped
reading the bible and blissfully watched as an individual was
removing her canoe from Skaneateles Lake. We thought, how innocent.
How clean. How politically correct. But then when she backed her
big black, fuel inefficient, status seeking, SUV
4by4 to the crest of the lake to retrieve her 40 pound canoe, we all
saw the truth and started laughing. We asked Jesus and God, " why
did she need a 4by 4 V 8 12mpg vehicle to justify a 40 pound canoe?
Wasn't this overkill? And what about the SAFETY to the people who
drive small cars everyday, like me? Aren't I at risk from being
killed in a crash when hit by a bigger vehicle like an SUV or two
ton Mercedes? Was this 4by 4 driven to Syracuse everyday?
Therefore, polluting the air more often then if she drove a
politically correct Geo Metro that got 40 mpg? After all, a Geo Metro
is powerful enough to remove and carry a canoe. So what one does
everyday should be regulated more so than what one does for
recreation. Also this 4by4 had many options like
"fake" gold emblems made of toxic durable plastic that had
to be manufactured in Detroit, Mexico or somewhere. And how about the
pollution from the manufacturing of electric motors for 4
electric windows and automatic door locks, air conditioning, etc. etc.
doesn't these option create more pollution in the world, then say, if
one did not purchase them at all? And don't forget about the
losers who live in Mattydale and North Syracuse? Think of
them the next time you take yourself or your children to Florida
for a vacation. That aviation fuel that falls from that jet engine,
doesn't that fall into Skaneateles Lake--- eventually? (Acid
rain).
We won't talk about the killing of trees so bigger
parking lots and roads can be built for the Skaneateles commuter to
Syracuse. Life styles pollute more so than recreational
lifestyles. . We are all guilty. How many kids do you have and how
much pollution are they going to generate over their life times. How
many 15 inch tires are they throw out ? How many gallons of gas
are they going to burn? How much oil are they going drip and
change? They're are your kids, you figure it out.
EXT. BORODINO BLUFFS, SATURDAY
Equal protection?
We saw a pontoon boat with six older, happy, smiling
people, drive past the Borodino Landing area only 100 feet from shore.
How dare they...The speed, around 30. It created a weak wake. ( what's
the CCSL going to do about this?) What about the swimmers. Where they
endanger? No? Yes? Maybe? Why didn't that silly discriminatory
buffer zone apply here? Not all pontoon boat operator are speeders.
Not all PWC drivers are speeders. Nevertheless, because my
friends and I aren't depressed, we waved. They all enthusiastically
waved back.
After 10 minutes a fishing boat came by about 75 feet
from shore. Guess their speed? It was about 25mph. They where not a
threat to swimmers.
After another few minutes a 25 foot recreational boat
came by at about 35 and was approximately 150 feet out.
Then guess what was next. You got it. Two people, one
man one women came by on their Jet Skis. They drove by like the
others. We waved to let them to let them know that we where not
redneck discriminators. You know, like how the poor people in Syracuse
wave when you park your big vehicle in their polluted
neighborhood. The two PWC drivers waved back.
These two people where doing nothing different than
the preceding boaters. So why is a buffer needed if the people who
operate them are acting like the operators of the other boats? In the
petition it states that speed limits" within the buffer zone will
be limited to 5 mph (wake free). " Explain this. Explain to
me and my friends. Who thought of this? Really, who sat down and
killed brain cells brainstorming this idiocy?
Safety? How about the people who drive PWC's like
pontoon boats, recreational boats and fishing boats. Thrill Crafts
aren't driven with thrill all the time. Wouldn't it be better to state
that thrill riding be restricted outside the buffer zone. Why
does a PWC have to go 5mph yet a bigger, heavier boats can go 30mph or
more. What are you really thinking here?
Till next month...
FADE OUT
FADE IN MUSIC
"Somewhere Over The Rainbow"
Police Officer Joe will put the big hammer down on anyone who
"thrill rides" inside the buffer zone. Don't get this
officer mad. He's got the hammer. And he will use it.
by Joe Vecc
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