Click to play video of Bullett news report
Text Version:
This morning, several Spafford farmers reported animals missing from their stalls.
Some Borodino residents saw a small, but gathering herd of cows, pigs, sheep, and chickens clomping down Route 41, wearing signs: JUSTICE
FOR FARM ANIMALS, and COWS ARE VOTERS TOO.
Now for our lead story...
The Spafford Town Hall was the site of a near-riot at noon today, when close to a
hundred farm animals staged a "sit-in" to protest the results of the Nov. 4th election.
Town officials acknowledge that the Cow Party's feathers had been ruffled, when turned away from the polls on Nov. 4th.
The non-violent protest turned ugly, allegedly, when the herd arrived at Town Hall.
Click to hear protest at Town Hall.
Town Clerk, Lisa Valletta says she heard the sound of breaking glass, followed by a sharp thud.
Dozens of animals stampeded inside (nearly trampling Rita) chanting: WE DEMAND A RECOUNT.
Valletta states she was able to lure the animals outside with a bale of hay, and a promise to arrange a meeting with the Board of Elections to address their concerns.
Bullett Reporter Joe Vecc caught up with Cow Party spokes-animal, Clover the Cow, a well-known suffragist in barns across Spafford---after her evening milking.
Click to hear Joe Vecc's interview with Clover
VECC: Clover you launched a fierce campaign but the incumbent "two-leggeds", as YOU call them, still won. What happened?
CLOVER: We trotted off to the polls on Nov. 4th as planned, but were turned away. We were told only "two-leggeds"---or HUMANS, as YOU call them, could vote. Udderly outrageous!! Female two-leggeds won the right to vote in 1920. The Cow Party will not stop until ALL animals have that same right!
VECC: Clover, there are rumors that you were behind the protest today at Town Hall.
CLOVER: The Cow Party was merely exercising our First Amendment right to peaceably assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
VECC: But, there are also reports that someone threw a block of butter thru the front door...
CLOVER: The Cow Party endorses non-violence, and the fair treatment of ALL animals. THAT was the work of a splinter group of renegade animals led by that crazy chicken, L'eggs LaRoux. L'eggs was thrown out of the Cow Party for bootlegging hard eggnog on Nunnery Rd.
VECC: One more question, Ms Clover...how DO you stay looking so good on the campaign trail?
CLOVER: I find nothing is more invigorating than putting on some soothing
mooosic, and soaking in a creamy MIIILK bath (I just LOVE the bubbles!)..to soothe away stress!
VECC: Joe Vecc signing off. This has been a Bullett MOOS Report.
