ARCHIVED DECEMBER 2001

TERRORIST  BUSTERS,  by Joe Vecc

Kill or be killed.

Some people don't like you. This man is one of them. Meet Omar Mohammad from the Borodino cell of the lower east side. Now you don't have to put up with his ultra right religious views. And you know what, Father Joe doesn't have to either.

Father Joe says, Bigger is better. 

His new Allmighty model 54 gives him the extra security he needs when attending those bingo conventions in Las Vegas, Nevada.   "Why haven't my brethren been wearing this new style cross earlier?"  And it's legal. Air lines are litigiously liable to not violate your civil rights to religious expression. Sikhs have their turbans, now Christians have their macro cross. "I feel safer everyday I wear it."

The Allmighty will bust any terrorist's bubble of hijacking your next plane. The Allmighty is 26 inches long and can also be used as an article of worship. The sharpened end will puncture any misused Koran.

Terrorist buster, Sage Burkhart, 6, lead singer of the hit kiddy group Popcorn and  Bellybuttons, who's  new hit song, " My Running Shoe is More Expensive Than Yours", holds up a new kevlar Nike that was used to spoil a hijacking attempt on her flight to a concert  LA.  The idea for the song came from a real experience:

" I saw the terrorist, I untied my  new sneaker and slid my hand inside and got up and charged the terrorist. He stabbed my sneaker  as the other passengers overwhelmed him. The Terrorist busters classes saved my hand and my life." 

While he's preparing to slit your throat, you could be unclipping  your Almighty.     

Jimmy, from the west side of Borodino, took time out from working on his house to send us this affirmation that he loves his new Almighty. "Thank you, Ronco."

Remember, Omar backs off away from the Almighty.

Get yours today.  Ronco's Allmighty Cross usually sells for one easy payment of $399.99. But poor people can't afford that, so for the next ten days, Ronco's CEO, Father Joe will sell the Allmighty for one easy payment of $39.99.  

Say "Allrighty, to the new Allmighty"